Category Archives: Transcender

Abuse & Neglect, Anxiety, Coping Behaviors, Depression, God, Healing, Overcoming, Pain, Protection, PTSD, Rejection, Transcender, Trauma Healing, Uncategorized

PROTECTION AND FEELINGS

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We have been talking about how we protect ourselves. Now, let’s talk about those feelings connected and twisted in us. Our protection system works to keep us protected. It also works to control our feelings from the trauma so we stay in control – anger, jealousy, hurt, abandonment, anxiety/fear, betrayal, etc. Our control works sometimes, but not all time. We may “lose it.”

This losing it is because we have harbored tons of feeling physically stored in neuropeptides. The more trauma we experience, the more we store our feelings stressing every aspect of us – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When our feelings have filled our bodies beyond capacity, we may explode. My technique was to slam a door, still like doing it. We must be careful when feeling and releasing our feelings. See the previous post on the three rules.

When we feel, we heal. We must embrace our pain and its darkness and dread and feel them fully. As we do, we find parts of us stored in our many protection layers and see us at different ages. Important memories may surface. Process and feel to heal the memories. You can do it! You have already survived the memory. You are just going back to feel and heal.

God is a terrific help to us heal. Ask Him to help. Ask Him to lift some of the pain. He will. I have been asked why I believe in God, and I answer that He is always there for me, helping me through life. Frank Turek said it well, “I don’t have enough faith to be an atheist.”

  1. What have you done with your feelings? Often they are stored in our bodies where we hurt the most.
  2. What stops you from deciding to feel your feelings fully and heal?
  3. If shame stops you, ask God to heal it in you. Then allow Him to do it.

Please share with others to help them heal. Also invite me to speak!

Abuse & Neglect, Coping Behaviors, Healing, Overcoming, Pain, PTSD, Rejection, Relationships, Transcender, Trauma, Uncategorized, Victims

ACCEPT WHAT WE CAN’T CHANGE

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The Serenity Prayer reminds us to know the difference between what we can and cannot. The healing journey forces us to examine our choices for change in our lives. Here are areas to remember.

  1. We can only change ourselves. We can heal, grow, and change our feelings, looks, clothes, and careers/jobs. We can leave relationships and change our cars, homes, cities, states, etc. It is all about what we can control and healthy boundaries.
  2. We cannot change other people! This is a fact. Too many people, especially women, go into relationships believing because they love someone, they can change them. This happens too rarely.
  3. We can use fear and violence to make someone compliant. Our victims look like they are changing. Actually, they are working hard to have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
  4. We can help people change with kindness only if THEY choose to change. WE, including me, have no power to change anyone. I am not talking about raising children who need respect and guidance as they grow and learn.
  5. We are limited in changing organizations unless we own them and/or are in charge.
  6. We can work to change our world and make a difference. We can help our corner of the world heal through our actions of healing, kindness, and restoration.

Life is hard and, at times, beyond what we can handle. We struggle to know what to do and change. We must take time to sort out and come to understand what we can and cannot change. In doing so, we find peace.

  1. What part of you or your life can you not change?
  2. What parts of you or your life can you change?
  3. What has it been like when you tried to change something you couldn’t change?

Please share these to help others heal. Also, I am a speaker, invite me!

Abuse & Neglect, Coping Behaviors, God, Healing, Overcoming, Pain, Rejection, Relationships, Transcender, Uncategorized

GOD AND HEALING

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Where does God come into the healing journey? Does He sit in Heaven and just watch us suffer? Does He help? Close His eyes? Pretend everything is okay? Laugh at us? Does God even care at all about us and our desperate need to heal?

Here is what I know. We cannot heal at the deeper levels without God. God walked every suffering, painful step of my healing journey with me. I was never left alone and neither are you. You are His child He dearly loves. He cannot abandon any of us because it is against His rules. He never leaves our side, even though we may not sense Him anywhere near

God gave humans the gift of free will, and sadly, we often choose to use it to do the wrong thing, like trauma and evil. He cries, gets angry, and is sorry we were hurt. God feels everything we feel with us.

When I work with people, I can bring my knowledge, understanding, and compassion as a psychotherapist. I can bring techniques I have learned that help people heal. I do not have psychic powers to heal people. Only God heals. His healing, love, and touch are powerful and specific to each of us and our needs. All we have to do is ask, listen, and follow His leading as we heal.

As a psychotherapist, I could not help people heal as I do without God leading me at every step. God is the healer. If someone tells you they are a healer, become suspicious. God wants to heal and free us with love and peace. God wants our highest good.

  1. Do you believe in God? A higher power?
  2. Do you trust Him? Mistrust Him?
  3. Are you willing to ask Him to help you heal?

Even if you do not believe in Him, He believes in you.  Just ask.

Please share these to help others heal. Also, I am a speaker, invite me!

Abuse & Neglect, Coping Behaviors, God, Healing, Neglect, Overcoming, Pain, Rejection, Relationships, Transcender, Trauma, Uncategorized, Victims

HEALING, IS IT WORTH IT?

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We have talked about healing, feelings, and choosing to heal. The healing journey is not easy. Let’s look at what healing can mean to us:

  1. Freed from pain.
  2. Freed from the pain of being tethered in our bodies. Physical healing happens for some people when we heal emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
  3. Freed to gain joy and have fun in our lives.
  4. Freedom to be who God created us to be.
  5. Ability to accomplish our unique, God-given purpose.
  6. Ability to help others and make a difference in our hurting world.
  7. Gaining wisdom that helps guide us to understand our lives and the world for the rest of our lives.
  8. Freed to love at a higher level in a way we never believed or knew we could love.
  9. We will like ourselves.

When traumatized, we often learn we are not okay and do not like ourselves. We were hurt and created ways to survive, some good, some not caused by the damage done to us. When we heal, we are giving gifts and learn we like ourselves!

Healing is available to everyone, but this does not mean we will be healed of everything. It means we can heal and free ourselves to be the authentic, wonderful, and terrific person God created!

Never give up on yourself regardless of your age, situation, feelings, or what your internal voices tell you. They are from the trauma too. Help you heal; as you do, you will help others because you will have been there!!

Celebrate who you are and everything you have overcome and transcended. You are amazing!

  1. What do you like about yourself?
  2. What don’t you like about yourself?
  3. If you work to heal, do you believe you can change?

Please share these to help others heal. Also, I am a speaker, invite me!

Abuse & Neglect, Coping Behaviors, God, Healing, Overcoming, Pain, Rejection, Relationships, Transcender, Trauma, Uncategorized

MORE ON FEELINGS

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Descriptions of healing:

My healing has been Heaven and Hell. Sometimes when feeling my feelings fully, I want to run away. I know I will die in them or want to, and I know I can’t. Other times there is such joy from the freedom and wisdom I am on the highest mountain soaring like an eagle.

When Donna described feeling the feeling fully and appropriately, I told her no way. I’m not going to do that because I have no feelings. I told her I did not want to go back to everything that had happened to me. She gently said, ‘You won’t go back. We are going back only to free the trapped feelings inside you.’ It was the hardest and best thing I have ever done. I found me. I found understanding, wisdom, and freedom!! I learned I like myself!

Feelings our feelings are challenging and can be painful. Often just the thought of feeling terrifies us. We may believe we will not survive if we feel. We always survive.

I am often asked, “How long will it take?” My answer is, ‘It depends on how many feeling layers are stored in our body.’ That depends on how young we were and how long the trauma lasted. It also depends on if anyone helped or ever protected us. If we had help, it would have given us many gifts that helped us maintain us in many ways. The final thing it depends on is how much we put into the healing process – time, effort, and resources.

Yes! Healing is hard. It is also freeing and amazing! We gain us and wisdom! God gives us gifts of information, freedom, and wisdom as we heal and feel our feelings fully.

  1. Have you chosen to heal? Why or Why not?
  2. What is stopping you from healing?
  3. What would you give to be out of the pain and loneliness you endure now?
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Abuse, Abuse & Neglect, Coping Behaviors, God, Healing, Overcoming, Pain, Rejection, Transcender, Trauma, Trauma Healing, Uncategorized

ANGER! FOLLOW THE RULES!

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We all get angry. I can hit someone or release my anger appropriately. It is my choice what I do with it. My choice is vital! Prisons are filled with people who choose to hurt others with their anger, and many have suffered from it.

Anger is different from other feelings because it has powerful energy and adrenalin. Anger needs to be released physically. Follow the three rules, which is a must. Here are some suggestions.

  1. Find a safe, alone place for you to release the anger.
  2. Never hurt yourself, anything, or one alive. Don’t damage property you don’t want to damage. No yelling, hitting, cursing, throwing, etc., at people. You can do it at things, walls, woods, etc.
  3. Decide how you want to release the anger physically. Walking until we calm down does not release it. Hit, throw, beat up pillows, punch bags, dead trees, waves, scream into water, chop wood, large vegetables, etc. I have a duffle bag and bat to teach anger release in my office.
  4. You may feel silly when you start. Then the anger will come. Work past the uncomfortable part to get to the anger release.
  5. Yell/Scream! We usually were not allowed to have a voice when traumatized. To get our voice back, or for the first time, scream from your gut where the anger is stored. Yelling from your throat can give us a sore throat.

Finding the way that works for you to release your anger may take some time. We all have the feeling of anger, God-given. We can pretend we don’t and may turn it into tears, numbness, etc. All our feelings are wonderful a teaching us about ourselves and our world. What we Do with them is good or bad

Photo by Andrew Beatson on Pexels.com
Abuse & Neglect, Coping Behaviors, Healing, Overcoming, Pain, Rejection, Relationships, Transcender, Trauma Healing, Uncategorized, Victims

WE CAN HEAL

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We can HEAL!! First, we must make the powerful decision to heal. We make the decision that we are tired of and no longer want the pain, anxiety, and loneliness and choose not to let anything or any person, including us, stop us. If life circumstances interfere, which can happen, we stop and handle the situation and then return to our healing journey.

We must choose to develop every aspect of our authentic self – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual because we have a mind, body, and spirit, which are all affected by trauma.

Here is the secret:

WHEN WE FEEL, WE HEAL. The process is simple. It is not easy. To heal, we must fully feel all our feelings until we no longer feel them inside us – pain, sorrow, grief, anger, hurt, and fear.

Our feelings accumulate physically in our cells in the neuropeptides because we could not feel them during trauma and had to keep working to survive and keep going. As we feel all the stored feelings, love, joy, and light does come.

All our feelings are wonderful. They give us 30-50% of the information from our world we need to make a good decision. But we NEVER make a decision based on how we feel unless we are in danger.

Our bodies have an excellent healing system given to us by God. When we start to feel, it clicks on and helps us feel even if we do not know how! To heal, all we have to do is to feel the feeling fully and appropriately. God knew we would need this part of our spirituality in this challenging world.

  1. How did you handle your feelings when you were traumatized?
  2. What have you been taught about your feelings?
  3. Are you afraid to feel your feelings?

In the next post, I will share how to feel your feelings keeping everyone safe appropriately.

Abuse & Neglect, Coping Behaviors, Human Trafficking, Overcoming, Pain, Rejection, Relationships, Transcender, Trauma, Trauma Healing, Uncategorized, Victims, War

IN THE BEGINNING

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When do we need to seek the help of a psychotherapist/counselor? When our lives have been hard, painful, and lonely, we can’t work, want to give up, run away from everything, can’t function, sleep all the time, have poor relationships with ourselves and others, and if we become suicidal. (If you are, call for help immediately and call 988.) 

At the beginning of the healing journey, we are scared, sometimes almost to being terrified. Will I find myself? Will I like myself? Am I damaged beyond any hope? But the pain and loneliness drive us forward with fantastic courage with that bit of hope that healing can happen. And it can!

We, not anyone else, must choose the decision to heal. No one else can make the decision, only us. That hope gives us a glimmer that we may have the life we have always dreamed of having. Perhaps we can have friends who do not hurt and betray us. Maybe, just maybe, I can find the real me and like me.

The fear sometimes stops us one, two, or more times. Then we break through and get into psychotherapy and start healing. Please remember this about healing:

  1.  Healing will take the time it needs. Be patient with yourself. Love yourself to health.
  2. Healing follows steps but will be individualized according to your needs and life. You will learn in the journey you can trust yourself more and more. Sometimes we have learned from the trauma we can’t trust ourselves.
  3. We do not need to know how to heal. That is the work and knowledge the therapist has and will guide and teach you.
  4. It is okay to change therapists if the one you have does not help you the way you need. This does not mean they are not good. It means they are the right fit for you. Please don’t therapist hop, going from therapist to therapist. Sometimes this us, us avoiding us, doing the hard work of healing.
  1. Are you tired of the pain and loneliness and ready to heal? Make the phone call to a therapist.
  2. If you are ready but have not called, what is stopping you? Fix it.
  3. Are you doing the healing work of feeling your feelings? Great!
Abuse & Neglect, Coping Behaviors, God, Healing, Overcoming, Pain, Rejection, Relationships, Transcender, Trauma, Trauma Healing, Uncategorized, Victims, War

WHAT DO WE NEED TO HEAL?

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We are mind, body, and spirit and must work to heal all areas of trauma damaged. Trauma can come from a spiritual place such as a church, temple, religious people, cults, etc. Maybe we were physically, mentally, verbally, and/or sexually abused and neglected by parents, relatives, teachers, coaches, neighbors, and “friends,” etc. Sadly, today, people have become victims regardless of age or circumstance.

The trauma we experience may also be generational – trauma runs in our families for many generations. Trauma may be circumstantial, that is, in our particular family, neighborhood, etc. To heal, we must heal in all areas. The following are the areas and how it affects us. We can heal! It is our decision.

Body:

Medical research has documented that trauma affects our physical body function adversely, causing – autoimmune diseases, depression, anxiety, heart disease, long-term chronic diseases, poor concentration, stroke, brain effects, diabetes, etc.

Mind:

Mental and emotional trauma can cause depression, anxiety, flashbacks, hypervigilance, confusion, poor relationships, dissociation, blunted affect, numbness to feelings, exhaustion, agitation, bitterness, long-term grief, etc. This damage then affects all areas

Spiritual:

Our spirituality is the core of our existence. We are spiritual being having a human experience in a hard school called life. So spiritual trauma can cause a lack of faith, destroy hope, create distance /fear/anger at God, feel abandoned and/or punished by God, loss of purpose and meaning in our lives, lose any purpose for living, destroy any power or authority for our lives, develop a poor basis for values and/or goals, loss of direction, cause existential depression, cause damage to relationships, create shame and worthlessness, and leave us with insecurity and low self-confidence.

  1. How were you traumatized?
  2. What effects do you still suffer from the trauma?
  3. What choices can you make for yourself now?
Abuse & Neglect, Brain and Trauma, Coping Behaviors, God, Healing, Overcoming, Pain, Relationships, Transcender, Trauma, Trauma Healing, Uncategorized, Victims

The Trauma Healing Journey

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I invite you to join me on the amazing and freeing journey of healing from trauma. When we heal, we discover ourselves, learn to like ourselves, and find out God has indeed created us wonderfully with many talents and abilities.

Life, before we heal, is often full of pain, anxiety, loneliness, sorrow, etc. We struggle to push through life the best we can. We often end up doing things we don’t want to do and not liking ourselves. Before we heal, we usually have no clue who we are and may not like ourselves. We may have poor relationships, abuse, neglect, addictions, and hurt ourselves and others. We may feel depressed, suicidal, anxious/fearful, bitter, addicted, and life is awful.

The first step to healing is to DECIDE we do not want to live this way anymore and want a better life. We decide to heal from past trauma we have experienced. This may be the first time we have ever focused on ourselves, which can create anxiety even thinking about it. And because of what trauma taught us, we never saw ourselves as worthy or valuable.

The second step is to commit to doing whatever it takes to heal. The journey must have integrity, honesty, and love. We may not know how and for most people, this means finding a trauma psychotherapist who knows how to help people heal. Not all therapists are trained in trauma. Interview them before you hire them.

The third step is to give our healing process all the time, effort, energy, and needed resources – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual areas. This includes God. God is the ultimate healer giving us the love and strength we need for the journey.

How do if know I need to heal? If you answer yes to most of these, choosing to heal is important for you.

  1. Do you like yourself and your life?
  2. Are you depressed? Anxious? Bitter? Angry?
  3. Were you traumatized?